I haven’t been able to make a decision and stick to it for awhile now. I feel like I’m chasing after the wrong things because they never seem to pan out. About a year ago, Shane and I had decided that we would be moving back to Utah (my home state) to finish schooling at BYU as it is a lot cheaper when you have member tuition and we both could transfer our jobs without a hiccup. Everything we have done, the school we chose to complete our Associates at, the money we’ve saved, the debt we’ve paid, the jobs we’ve held have been in helping us get to Utah. We knew it wouldn’t happen until after April 2011 so that we could find a stopping point in our lives before we packed them all up again and shipped them to Utah to start over, but we knew that we needed to surround ourselves with family and my sister Stephanie would be so close again. (I will on the other hand miss having Kandi so close-but she’s leaving me behind in Boise soon.) However, this has changed temporarily because we have a few more things that need to be completed here first.
So then we decided if we are going to be here for awhile, maybe it was time for a new place and a new start. Shane and I have been permanently stuck in a temporary lifestyle. We’ve been married for five years and are always waiting for the next step. Our family is graduating, having babies, picking careers, moving onto bigger and better things and we were just stuck in our little hole in the world. We hate the place we live in now because it just reinforces the idea of “temporary”, and so the hunt began. We found the place and it is PERFECT. We love it, everything about it. But then two Sunday’s ago after I finished filling out the apartment application and sending it in, I felt overwhelmed that we needed to stay in the ward. We searched high and low. We found a wonderful house in the neighborhood that has been totally remodeled and updated, but they wanted 950.00/month for it. That was just too far out of our price range to see our other goals accomplished. For a couple of days we were in love with this place and tried every which way to fudge the budget to make it work. Then one morning we woke up and realized, enough his enough, we need to live within our means especially if Utah is our eventual goal. The perfect apartment was back on then. We’d just have to deal with leaving the ward. Then yesterday as we again sat in church, through testimony meeting and then with our adorable four and five year olds, we both knew again we were exactly where we were supposed to be.
So here we are, fight as we may, in the place where we need to be and I’ve already packed half the place up. We’ve decided to stay in our apartment just awhile longer. This gives us time to be completely credit card free, to accomplish some goals within our ward, and to save money for our next step. I wish I could say we knew where we were headed, but we’ve learned amongst all of this indecision that we just have to let go for awhile and let God direct us. We’ve learned to stop living in the future and to enjoy the here and now, and we’ve learned to appreciate the small things that seem terrible but that are just right for right now. Most of all, we learned we needed to stop living for everyone else and do what makes sense for our little family.
So for the next few weeks, I will be unpacking all of the boxes I just filled and finding new places for them in our place. The goal is to make this place a little less temporary for just a little while longer. Might I just add that if I had listened to the promptings all along, we wouldn’t have battled with so much indecision. I guess we live and learn.
So then we decided if we are going to be here for awhile, maybe it was time for a new place and a new start. Shane and I have been permanently stuck in a temporary lifestyle. We’ve been married for five years and are always waiting for the next step. Our family is graduating, having babies, picking careers, moving onto bigger and better things and we were just stuck in our little hole in the world. We hate the place we live in now because it just reinforces the idea of “temporary”, and so the hunt began. We found the place and it is PERFECT. We love it, everything about it. But then two Sunday’s ago after I finished filling out the apartment application and sending it in, I felt overwhelmed that we needed to stay in the ward. We searched high and low. We found a wonderful house in the neighborhood that has been totally remodeled and updated, but they wanted 950.00/month for it. That was just too far out of our price range to see our other goals accomplished. For a couple of days we were in love with this place and tried every which way to fudge the budget to make it work. Then one morning we woke up and realized, enough his enough, we need to live within our means especially if Utah is our eventual goal. The perfect apartment was back on then. We’d just have to deal with leaving the ward. Then yesterday as we again sat in church, through testimony meeting and then with our adorable four and five year olds, we both knew again we were exactly where we were supposed to be.
So here we are, fight as we may, in the place where we need to be and I’ve already packed half the place up. We’ve decided to stay in our apartment just awhile longer. This gives us time to be completely credit card free, to accomplish some goals within our ward, and to save money for our next step. I wish I could say we knew where we were headed, but we’ve learned amongst all of this indecision that we just have to let go for awhile and let God direct us. We’ve learned to stop living in the future and to enjoy the here and now, and we’ve learned to appreciate the small things that seem terrible but that are just right for right now. Most of all, we learned we needed to stop living for everyone else and do what makes sense for our little family.
So for the next few weeks, I will be unpacking all of the boxes I just filled and finding new places for them in our place. The goal is to make this place a little less temporary for just a little while longer. Might I just add that if I had listened to the promptings all along, we wouldn’t have battled with so much indecision. I guess we live and learn.
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2 comments:
Keep up those prayers. Those answers will come in small small whispers. Just take a breath and listen. We love you!
Lisa
It is SO hard to come to a conclusion and deal with it when you don't want to do what that conclusion entails. It sounds like you have the ambition for when the time comes to have change in your life you can do it! Congrats on your conclusion, and I hope all goes well!
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