Openness

Openness has to be the most misunderstood part of adoption. The levels of openness vary so much and there is a tangible fear of the birth mother wanting her child back years later.


Before starting this process we were terrified of openness and would much prefer no contact whatsoever. What kind of good would it to our child to have two mothers? We were so conflicted and had troubles knowing that LDS Family Services recommends some level of openness.

So what is openness? It can be as simple as sharing a picture once a year, to visits when arranged, to even letting your birth mother live with you through the pregnancy or allowing her to stay on holidays.

It has been proven that relationships with birth mothers can be beneficial. She becomes like a little sister and for the child like an aunt. It also eases the grief on the birth mother being able to see how well her child is doing. For me this is a small price to pay for the wonderful woman who will give us her child. At first we were only okay with emails between the adults, pictures every month, and a scrapbook of sorts on the first birthday and then substantial cutback on involvement. Now we are very open minded and willing to compromise. We will never be able to understand the sacrifice the birth parents had to make by giving their child a chance at a different life, and we will always be indebted to each and every birth mother out there who has ever placed their child up for adoption because this is the only way we will learn the joy, love and miracles of parenthood.

Ultimately on that grand day when we are told we have been chosen, the openness levels will be discussed and possibly changed to meet the needs of our situations and that of the wishes of the birth mother and ourselves, but for now we no longer fear the hold a birth mother can have on our enjoyment of our new child and look forward to creating a bond that few people ever get to experience.