Backup Plan

There are 99 other “approved” families in my state right now who are waiting. Placement averages 20-40 a year and so naturally I'm worried we won't be placed. So then I started thinking.

When I was younger I had always wanted to adopt because I wanted to escape the pain of delivery. Not realizing until I could not bear my own child that this pain is much more severe and never relents. As I grew older, I still wanted to adopt but not until I had a budding family of my own. I wanted to take in a little older child and get them out of the system.

Now here I am with no kids and a very slim possibility that I will be blessed with an infant on our first get go. So I started browsing through health and welfare and the kids who are currently in the system. There are so many. My heart just broke. Kids whose parents didn't want them, or couldn't take care of them, kids who have special needs, and kids who were harmed and abused. I wanted to save each and everyone of them. I'm realistic though. I'm still so young and so is my husband. We both know there is no way we could ever take someone over the age of four right now. For several reasons besides age though, like behavioral problems that we don't have the time to devote to correct because we are still building our financial nest egg and because we've never raised a child and a struggling tween or teen is not the best place to start. I found that almost all of the younger children come in sibling pairs however and even then in the four states I looked at there were only 5 under the age of four.

I fell in love with an African American brother and sister pair who are ages 2 and 4 respectively. They have been in and out of homes their entire life because the foster parents they are placed with can't handle some of the stressors that comes with these children. (Not that I can blame them, I just feel for these kids) Because of this, they say the children have problems bonding but that if they can find a home of their own, they will grow to be natural, healthy children. I honestly would take them today if I could.

It just feels right to me, that at some point in our lives, we will adopt from the welfare system. We will get some child out of foster care and give them a home. My heart just knows it and my husband agrees. Granted because a lot can happen between there and now, like maybe finally having children of our own, or not receiving an infant after all, etc..., you never know but for now we are not straying from our original plan. We will try adopting an infant and if we wait on the list for a very long time then we will consider our alternatives.

I can finally say, I don't care in what capacity, I just want to be a mom! I will gladly forgo my infant raising experiences if it means I can hold a child's hand and know that I am their mom and they are my child.