Selfishness

We are still waiting at this time on the house decisions. As I'm writing this, let me just say that this has been the longest two weeks of my life and I have failed miserably with patience. I'm selfish. I want a house. I'll even push back a homestudy for our baby, by a month, in order to have a house. Now before I look like a totally horrible person, let me explain. The husband and I have been in a major rut for the last four years of our marriage. We've desperately needed a change. After trying to buy a house twice and never finding the perfect moment for our money situation, we've been stuck in apartments all of our married life. Then there's the fact that we are both college students, still. The biggest kicker however is that the current place we live in, we have lived in for three years and it is dreadful to us. We loathe it. We know we want a child, desperately in fact. But I also think getting a house might help in this rut. Here's my illogical thinking. The adoption process could potentially be a long one. It is emotional, and it does require in home visits. If we hate our apartment as bad as we do, that doesn't bode well when we invite someone in and try to pretend it is the best place for our family. Don't get me wrong, it's perfectly acceptable and they wouldn't hesitate placing a child in our home, but a house just feels better for us right now. I also long for something to keep me busy. Idle hands are terrible, especially for me. I hope that as we wait for a placement that I can start a garden in my new back yard, prepare an actual nursery. Paint my walls, decorate a house and not an apartment, and finally settle down. I figure this can keep my mind busy as we pray our little hearts out and hope that our birth mother picks us. Granted I wish for all of this sooner rather than later, but I'm being realistic and trying to be prepared.


The kicker is, I really don't care which route we end up taking because both roads bring us to the eventual adoption of our first child, I just want to know which road to take. (I'm secretly keeping my fingers crossed for both, see selfish!)