Bad Dreams

I had a bad dream last night. I remembered the physical and emotional pain and agony I have felt increasing over the last several years as infertility crept into our lives. I remembered how I longed to be a mother and how I feared it might never happen. Then I saw hope. Hope that I could be a mother someday because of the blessings and miracles of adoption. Then I saw us struggle through the process. Then I saw us never getting chosen. I woke up feeling despair, because what if no one wants us. I said a quick prayer and I know everything will be just fine, but I have to realize that there are going to be moments when I doubt, moments when I fear, and moments when I hurt. I'm trying to remember that the birth mom who will eventually choose us is suffering too. I'm trying to remember that faith without works is dead and so I need to do everything in my power to get our names out there. Most of all I'm trying to remember that we have been promised a posterity and in one way or another we will be blessed with children in our lives.


The bad dream may have set me back temporarily but oddly enough I am grateful for it because now I am refocused and determined.