One Year Ago + Waiting

It was a little over a year ago when we decided it was time to look into adopting. We were approaching our five year anniversary and were utterly devastated that it had taken so long to become parents. We put all of our energy and soul into adoption and did some soul searching and praying. Then with the birth of our niece, L, and the turning 1 of our niece, A, we made the trip to see family and decided it was time to tell everyone our plans. We were so worried about how our families might react. Would they support our decision? Would they love our child as their own grandchild, niece, nephew, etc…? We were so scared of the reactions that we actually kept our thoughts and plans secret for so long that it was actually hard to finally come clean. Although we didn’t go online until May and that is when our real anniversary date is, this weekend marks the one year in which we let everyone into our little world. We asked for prayers and love. We asked for support and advice. Mostly we put our future into the Lord’s hands completely. So it makes no surprise that as our year commences this weekend, that we would receive our update paperwork in the mail. I’m conflicted because in some aspects I think this year has flown by and in others it feels like it would never end. We were not chosen, yet, and with that comes a little sadness. It’s hard to not wonder what’s wrong with you and obsess over what people may or may not like about your profile. I wish it weren’t so, but it’s the truth and at times my self-worth has seriously wavered. However, I have so much to be grateful for in this process as well because as we waited for baby G, we also took the time to prepare our lives. We overhauled our finances and got some serious debt erased. We both graduated college and have since picked directions for our careers. We have bought a house and completely moved in. In short, we’ve grown up. We’ve healed and we’ve ached. We’ve waited and we’ve planned. We’ve worked hard and we’ve prayed. And with this renewed spirit and hope, we’ll wait some more! Secretly, I hope we don’t wait another year before we have a baby in our arms, but because it is in the Lord’s hands, I know that whenever our day comes, we will be blessed forever with our little addition.


Cross your fingers, and please oh please keep sending up those prayers of love and support as we move into our next year.